Over the last year and a half, I’ve consistently talked about the need to build up empathy toward young adults. Empathy is the first step toward building meaningful relationships with young adults in our sphere of influence.
Throughout the gospels, Jesus modeled empathy by often asking questions rather than giving out answers: What do you want? Do you want to get well? Rarely does Jesus start with, Here’s what you need or You need to get healthy. His empathy elevates compassion and connection first – Jesus cares about the dignity of those he loves and serves, not just about fixing them.
In addition to shifting the paradigm in our minds about leading with empathetic questions rather than the unwanted answers, there are cultural factors that create barriers to empathy we should be aware of.
- Intragenerational Speed – Understanding young adults is harder today, not simply because of obvious intergenerational differences, but also because of the speed at which society is changing. The dramatic pace of current technological, scientific, medical, economic, and sociological shifts is creating more differences between generations than ever before. Young adults’ life trajectories and choices are so different that there’s increasingly less common, experiential ground on which to relate. \
- Closeness Bias – Closeness bias claims that the closer people are relationally, the less likely they are to pay attention. Closeness breeds familiarity and familiarity reinforces one’s assumptions about family members, friends, and kids. We know this to be true because we’ve all experienced it. Things that bother us about our family members or close friends are overlooked with acquaintances or co-workers. This is why we sometimes have the most conflict with our family members.
Compassionately caring for young adults means ensuring that we don’t fall to closeness bias or misjudge intragenerational speed. We always lead with empathy. We listen. We ask questions. We don’t assume and we definitely don’t judge.
Here is a question for you to reflect on: How has intragenerational speed or closeness bias impacted my relationship with young adults in my life?
